This is a message I recently sent to a good friend as I was trying to describe what has been happening to me spiritually in the last few years. This is a very brief version which I intend on filling out as I go along with this blog. I look forward to, and welcome, any questions or dialogue on the topic as I continue to read, study, learn and grow.
Questioning my faith is something I have always done...sometimes ad nauseum. It used to be almost cyclical for me when I took breaks from school. But something really happened during my last year at seminary. I've always been told (and have told others) that you can have a personal relationship with God. I mean who wouldn't want that right? The problem though is that I started asking myself some hard questions and started shining a brighter light on this "relationship." I found that when I stopped talking, the other voice in the cave was silent after the initial echo of my own voice. And there hasn't been a peep out of it since!
My goal has been to try to get outside of my Christian worldview that was forced upon me. No one ever encouraged me to think critically about my faith or pursue other avenues of faith when I was growing up. Instead, they put me in a box from a young age and secured the box with eternal damnation should I ever have a mind to venture out.
Now that I have dared to read writings outside of the faith, writings which call into question the things I've held so dear for so long, the whole thing has come down like a house of cards in a very short period of time. I've learned things I never knew about the Bible and Christianity...things I was too scared of to entertain before.
I always thought my life would be meaningless and without purpose if I didn't have my faith in God. Quite the contrary however; I now value the time I have on this planet that much more because I don't consider this life just "passing through" and I don't have all my eggs in the heavenly basket in the sky. I'm facing reality for what it is and am determined to live the days I have on this planet to their fullest.
About Me
- BryterLayter
- I'm a middle-aged man that usually looks much younger and acts much younger. However, I really am going through some kind of mid-life, existential crisis. Hopefully this will be a place to express myself and sort things out. If you are going to keep up with this blog and you think you already know me pretty good, you might want to tread lightly...a lot has changed in the past year, and even more over the past 6 months.
5 comments:
Most people will respect your line of thinking. Even the very religous...probably. I'd be surprised if there were very many people who didn't question why they believe what they believe from time to time. I'd be equally surprised if many people stood outside of themselves and gave a critical analysis of their faith. I applaud your efforts. Be right in your mind and heart. Faith born of fear or ignorance is no faith at all.
I HEAR you. Really. (have for years I might add.)
My only contention(s) would be that (1) I disagree with the notion that you ever had a (truly/biblically) "Christian worldview," and (2) I disagree with the notion that "no one ever encouraged you to think critically about your faith" (big COUGH, COUGH there). If anything, you were encouraged to think more rationally by at least ONE guy.
That said, overall I think this is great. I'm glad you finally came out of the atheist closet, and feel almost a sense of relief concerning the matter.
Kind of like popping a big pimple...
Chris, in the brief times that we have been together, I have enjoyed those times. You know that I went through some crisis times that caused me to question what I thought I knew about God and Christianity.
At this point of my journey, I have come to a different conclusion than where you are. While the voice in the other end of the cave might have been low or silent, eventually I heard it again. My own dull ears and the rattle of many around me had made the voice faint.
I hope that you will keep listening for that voice. I also would encourage you to be as critical of your new readings.
I would enjoy getting together for coffee or something sometime.
First off fellas...I was sitting staring at my poor little blog trying to figure out why no one at least stopped by to say hello and was feeling quite sorry for myself...when I saw that little icon with a number beside of it!
I thought the comments would just show up on the main page. So I duly apologize and appreciate all of your comments. It's 1 in the morning so I will respond more fully with more sleep.
Thanks Fred...I am just trying to be as intellectually honest as I can.
Anthony...I just appreciate that you've always been willing to listen to me...cause you are very correct, you've heard a lot of me in the past few years! :-) While I may not have technically "held" THE correct biblical view (there are just so many to choose from aren't there!?), I believe I had been at least exposed to it somewhere along the way. I may not have agreed with it but I knew it existed. If there is some crucial hidden nugget I missed along the way, I most certainly want to know. And yes, I should have qualified that statement in the original blog...I was speaking about my childhood. You, along with several others have always pushed and urged me to think clearly (not exactly how sure it was critical though)and know what I believed. That's something I have always appreciated about you. And you have such a way with words!
Frank...coffee would be great. Seriously, I'd love to catch up now that your back in the Ville!
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